A few moments ago I was staring down at her big brown eyes and my eyes filled with tears. I said out loud:
“I never knew I could love another human being like this. Like you understand the words I say before I’ve even said them.”
She smiled at me before she drifted to sleep. That’s where she is now, my Mishka, in dreamland.
For the past ten weeks my life has been completely devoted to this little being: my daughter. Just recently I have timidly re-entered the real world; going back to teaching yoga, venturing to the grocery store in the middle of the night, and going out to dinner instead of grabbing takeout. It feels good to be ME again instead of just Mom. It’s such a delicate balance serving yourself and serving other people. I tend to lose myself in relationships but Mishka has taught me- even since she was in the womb- to be who I am and stand strong in my truth. She has taught me to complete what I start and be strong even in the face of defeat.
So I wrote a book and a book proposal and I really wrote and wrote and poured my heart into it. When I sent it to the publisher I was ready to jump into “hello I’m a published author mode” but alas the proposal was rejected. I was 6 months pregnant.
Mishka did not let me give up. Gently she pushed me to keep going. Through messages in dreams, scolding me with the creative firey force of a volcano, she said “Do NOT go back to your old ways.”
I cower at rejection. Old Suki would have said, “I’m not good enough. I give up. You’re right. It’s a terrible book.” But new Suki was going to be a mom. Now if I fail I’m not just failing for me- I’m failing for you, my unborn child.
So I stood back up and sent it out to another publisher. Then came another rejection note (at least it was a personalized one this time).
When you fall down you can stay down or you can ask yourself what you learned from it.
I stood back up. Ego bruised but otherwise fine.
The manuscript still gathers virtual dust. But now I will submit it to a few more publishers and if they don’t work I will self publish it. Heck, Stephen King was rejected 25 times before his first book was published (those publishers must be kicking themselves).
In the meantime, I got temporarily distracted by a divine calling to write another book. It’s called: She Loved Herself.
One morning I heard my angels whisper to me that I had to write a book called She Loved Herself. The book had to include the voices of 12 talented women on the topic of learning to love themselves.
I instantly reached out to a group of friends, and was shocked by their quick response. Everyone wanted to be part of this project! It fell into place completely effortlessly and here I am a few days away from self publishing it on Amazon. Including myself the book is written by 14 beautiful goddesses and photographer by the most amazingly talented Susy Foltz.
Stay tuned for the book launch on Friday and go buy the book!
Other than book writing, baby changing, and daydreaming, I have been back on the yoga mat teaching.
I’m so honored to teach yoga. I never once prepare for a class. I allow my higher self to take over and each class is beautiful. Each class is divine.
After 6 weeks being away from class, I felt amazing getting back on the mat.
My heart is full.
Stay tuned…there’s just so much more to do!
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