Day three of the 10 Day You Challenge is 8 fears. I’ve been avoiding this one. Does anyone really like confronting fears? No, but I’ve learned over the years that confronting helps overcoming and avoiding gets you nowhere.
So I’m going to suck it up and reveal my top fears.
Day 3 – Eight Fears
It’s one thing to be a failure to myself, it’s another thing to be a failure to my parents. My parents have always pushed me to succeed, and I want to make them proud. I believe in working hard and doing my best but failing at my goals still scares the bejesus out of me.
[Two] The Apocalypse
Is it in 2012? Is it in 50 years? How long have we got till we see those horsemen?? Ever since I was a kid I have been anxious about the end of days. I mean, honestly, any way you look at it: tsunamis, aliens, mass starvation, zombie attacks, it’s not going to be pretty. All I can say is I hope I’m not around for it.
[Three] The Occult
My cousins and I played with a Ouija board once. It scared the crap out of me. I’m not a fan of movies like The Omen or The Exorcist. I am petrified of the idea of possession, Satan worship and the like. I can’t explain it but it is generally something I choose not to mess with. I really think calling upon spirits, making voodoo dolls, drinking human blood etc. is pretty much a guaranteed ticket to hell (or hell right here on this earth).
When I was a young child I got stuck in an elevator, by myself. I was visiting my father’s work. We both got distracted – him by his coworker and me by the mirror. He walked out with his coworker, leaving me alone in the elevator. As soon as those heavy metal doors closed, I felt a panic rise in my stomach. I proceeded to press every button I could push. Getting off on a random floor I waddled around, scared and in a strange place. My father, having noticed I was gone, had run through every floor looking for me. We eventually found each other and he hugged and kissed me and wouldn’t put me down.
But that phobia of elevators didn’t go away for a long time! I used to have a panic attach everything I got in one. I used to climb 15 flights before even thinking about using the elevator.
I helped myself by engaging in cognitive behavioral therapy (though I didn’t know what that was at the time). I just forced myself on the elevator time after time till I got used to it.
I still can’t watch movies about being trapped in that metal cage, or falling through an elevator. Nope, can’t watch those.
And to this day if you ask me to go up 100 floors on an elevator I will do it- but you might catch me breathing funny or sweating.
Yuck. I hate eye juice, the sound of eyes, the movies about eyes being slit open, watching people put on contacts, when bugs fly into your eyes, and basically most things related to eyes.
What’s funny is I actually find eyes very pretty and attractive. I am usually most attracted to someone by their eyes first.
But once we start getting into the nitty gritty of eyes- their function and their components I start getting a little queasy.
It all started with this creepy groundskeeper when I was in elementary school. I used to swear he was the devil. He used to flip his eyelids over and chase us. Most of the kids thought it was a joke but I was incredibly traumatized by it.
Then in high school I got a bug in my eye that I had to get removed by the doctor.
Yuuuuggggghhh. I don’t even want to write about this. It’s creeping me out thinking about it.
[Six] Losing My Family or Friends
I’m not really scared of my own death but I am scared of losing the people I love. I remember, as an only child, the first time I realized that my parents would die someday. The thought absolutely terrified me and it still does to this day. At least with a sibling you can have each other- but when you are an only child, your parents are your everything. Losing them- along with losing my love or losing friends, is something that scares me quite often. You have to appreciate the people you love every day because you don’t know when they will be gone.
[Seven] Being Trapped In Your Own Mind or Body
Dementia and Alzheimer’s are terrible diseases. What could be more scary than to be trapped in your own mind? I have had first hand experience with the devastating effects that dementia can have on a person. Unfortunately, it is something that runs in my family, and the gene is very strong. Currently, my grandmother suffers from dementia. Often she doesn’t know what is happening, where she is, or who people are. Sometimes she doesn’t know who she is- sometimes she feels she is a child.
Then you have the terrible disease that makes you a prisoner in your own body. Stephen Hawkings, diagnosed with a form of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis when he was just 21, is a fine example of how you can make the best of this disease. Still it scares me. The disease (often called Lou Gehrig’s disease in the US) is “ is a form of motor neuron disease caused by the degeneration of neurons located in the ventral horn of the spinal cord and the cortical neurons that provide their afferent input.” Wikipedia says it “characterized by rapidly progressive weakness, muscle atrophy and fasciculations, spasticity, dysarthria, dysphagia, and respiratory compromise. Sensory function generally is spared, as is autonomic, and oculomotor activity. ALS is a progressive, fatal, neurodegenerative disease with most affected patients dying of respiratory compromise and pneumonia after 2 to 3 years; although occasional individuals have a more indolent course and survive for many years.”
Losing your mind or being trapped in your own body are both incredibly terrifying to me. As a creative person, I can’t imagine not being able to express myself. I can only hope that the researchers and scientists can one day find a cure for these terrible diseases.
[Eight] Car Accidents
I don’t know why they scare me as much as they do, but when I see a mangled mess of a car, or an ambulance rushing by, or somebody being air lifted (all of which I have seen) it really spooks me out. The thing is- I am perfectly calm on a plane or a train or even a ship, but car accidents scare me beyond any of those things.
I think with cars there is just such a high probability of something going wrong in one second. All it takes is one foul move and it could be the end of it all.
Driving is still fine for me but every now and then I will get quite anxious, especially when others are driving erratically, or it is pouring down rain, or there is ice on the road.
Remember people- always drive safe! And seat belts really do save lives!
Wow. I’m so freaked out by all this talk of eyes, elevators and car accidents- I think I’ll go mix myself a drink!!
UPDATE: AAAHH! I just posted this and WordPress told me my posting had 666 words. AAAH!!! I just added more words now so I hope that changes.
SCARY, SCARY, SCARY!!