Celebrities Say the Darndest Things

Charlie Sheen has an arsenal of one-liners. Watching his interviews is like crack to me right now, I keep looking for more and more Sheen interviews because he says things that have me literally ROFL. And I love how the reporters react to what he is saying. Some of them laugh, some of them grimace and some of them stare like a deer caught in the headlights.

The idea of that man anywhere near me while on a cocaine-filled bender is nerve-wracking.

So in the spirit of “crazy sh*t people say,” I have dedicated today’s blog post to crazy celebrities and the dumb stuff they say!

1. Charlie Sheen

The amount of crazy, out of this world (literally) sh*t Charlie Sheen has said just in the last 4 days is epic. There would be no way for me to pick just one. Here are my favorite few Sheen quotes:

“I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available, ’cause if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” From “20/20” interview.

“I’m underpaid right now, sure. … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching, a total frickin’ rock star from Mars. People can’t figure me out, they can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.” From “The Today Show”.

“What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.” – to 20/20.

She attacked me with a small fork, like a cocktail fork…that’s the weird thing though, what was she doing with a shrimp fork in her purse?” – to 20/20 on the hooker in his closet.

‘I didn’t know there was going to be a math test.” – on how many pornstars were in his hotel room.

2. Ke$ha

Does Ke$ha even have a brain? Seriously, I find myself wondering that a lot. The queen on “dirty” pop (no really, she is filthy) was recently quoted saying:

“Like, I have a belief that if I wear my placenta in a necklace there’s a possibility of me … being psychic.” Idolator magazine interview

“I like to scuba dive, and I’ve done it all over the world. I’ve doven … Doven? … Diven? I’ve been diving with whales and sharks and into shipwrecks and into caves. I’m pretty much a pirate.“- Interview with MTV

“If you come to a live show, it’s a sensory assault. You will leave covered in sweat, beer, glitter, and, just maybe, you’ll get a special edition Ke$ha condom. If it breaks, you have to name you daughter or son after me.”- Billboard magazine

3. Kanye West

I’m sure you know of Kanye’s Swift moment and his “don’t care about Black people” moment but what about these other gems?

“Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books.”—interview with Reuters

“I don’t even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in. I have to be in a way more grimey environment to turn any rap music on.” – On his Twitter account.

4. Mel Gibson

“You look like a f—cking pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of n—ers it will be your fault.” – Left on his ex-girlfriend’s answering machine.

“What are you looking at, sugart*ts?” – Speaking to a female police officer.

“The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”

What can I say about Gibson, he is just an all around nice guy.

5. David Arquette

The poor soon-to-be-EX of Courteney Cox has just been a hot mess lately. He was quoted as saying:

“[Courteney] said she doesn’t want to be my mother,” he continued. “I kind of need a mother right now. I need a girl to come bring me some soup and make sure I’m all right.”

Hmm. What would Freud have to say?

He has also said:

“I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky….a pulsating force of incredible energy.”

6. Steven Tyler on American Idol

“Well hellfire, save matches, f*ck a duck and see what hatches!” – After hearing a great audition.

“Slap that baby on the ass and call me Christmas!” – Another strange compliment.

“You look like you could be one of my … friends.” After meeting a girl on Idol who looked like one of his groupies.

7. The Situation

How can I not quote him? He is so quoteable!

In an episode where he almost had a threesome with Deena an Snookie, he said:

“Every guy has a dream of having a threesome with two women, obviously. Maybe not with Deena and Snooki, but, um, I was going along with it only because it was a threesome.”

Then the threesome goes wrong…Snookie leaves so it is just Deena and the Situation:

“I was lookin’ for that threesome… it turned into just the D-some…It’s like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper, then somebody takes away the chicken and then you’re left with salt and pepper.” He goes on to say, “Deena likes to call herself a ‘Holiday,’ I call her ‘The Holiday Inn.”

And then there is, of course, my favorite Situation quote.

This is from an episode where, after returning from the club, he finds himself in a hot tub with a bunch of half naked women:

“At one point I splashed water on my face and I realized … We got grenades! We are in the midst of grenades.”

 

And that is all I got for you!

But celebrities…they really do say the darndest things!