I’ve had my share of dark moments in this life and the past three days have been incredibly dark.
A door has been closed, by no choice of my own, and now I am left to pick up the pieces.
What hurts the most about this situation is that I have lost my mojo. I have allowed other people to guide my path and they have guided me in the wrong direction.
I have struggled to hold on to my creativity– my life’s blood– but in order to conform to society and conform to other people’s standards, I let it go. I turned into someone that I am not and someone that I would never wish to be.
But no longer.
Today I am moving forward.
Waking up to the news that the President is ready to move forward too has been my reassurance.
People still believe in the power of change and hope and coming together for the greater good.
Yesterday, even in my darkest time, I got up and went to the polling booths and handed out water. Unfortunately for me, the lines had already diminished so I ended up handing out water to the volunteers. But there was one volunteer who had been standing there all day encouraging others to vote. She was a senior citizen, smaller than me but with conviction in her eyes. I handed her the water and she was so grateful. She said she had been parched for hours.
“Bless you,” she said.
Afterwards, at the grocery store an elderly gentleman working at the Publix helped me take my groceries to my car. His eyes lit up when he saw my Obama t-shirt. “Hope,” he said, with his broken English. “Obama,” he said.
With his ailing back and walking with a limp this kind soul was helping me put my groceries in my car. I told him, “I have no money,” but he insisted.
And we talked about Obama and we talked about change and I realized that the change I needed had to start from within me.
I needed change just as much as the country needed change.
I needed hope just like the world needs hope.
Giving and sharing and helping each other is what real change is all about. Stop talking about change, be about it.
So I looked in my car and realized I had one Obama sticker that was just laying on the seat. Handing it to the old man, I read the words out loud, “Nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices asking for change.”
He smiled brightly. “For me?” His eyes were sparkling,
I said, “I have no money. But you can take this.”
“Thank you, thank you very much!” He was saying and shaking my hand.
I got in the car and he said, “and when will we know? For President Obama?”
I said, “Tomorrow. Or tonight.”
And off I drove. Moving forward.
How does this life teach us things in so many subtle, wonderful ways?
I will be one of those voices of change.
Even if the change is only within me, or within 5 miles of me. I will make the change.
And I’m glad that door was closed. Even if it was closed rudely and in my face.
Because I didn’t want to be in that house anyway. And I’m glad to be outside, facing the world, moving forward, and heading for the sun.