I’m sitting in our house and the walls are bare. With the boxes and the empty shelves it is starting to feel a little less “homey” and a little more “temporary” but that still won’t stop the warm tears rolling down my cheeks.
Next week we say goodbye to this home and move to a new phase of our lives. I know this is all happening for a reason- but sometimes it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The stress has brought my shoulders up to my ears and I have been unable to let them fall. My stomach has been in a constant knot and every now and then a wave of pain washes over me. I have been breathing in short, anxious breaths.
I hate change. But life never wants me to stay in a rut, so I know I must run with this tide and not let it wash me under.
Two weeks ago Rob and I were at the beach and we went into the ocean. Ever the adventurer he ran straight into the water. I stood at the shore with the water washing over my toes. “Come on Suki! Come in!” He shouted back to me. But I was scared…and the waves were so high. “In a minute!” I shouted back.
And standing on the shore I thought about how sometimes if it weren’t for him (or anyone) coaxing me into the water- would I ever get in? Would I ever get my hair wet? Or would I just be happy to get my toes wet.
So I got in slowly, scared, like a cat. But once I was in and I was holding his shoulders, jumping the waves, I remembered how fun it was. And I remembered how the waves felt when they pushed against you and how strong they were. I always find myself looking into the water- what was down there? Will a shark attack me?
And then all of a sudden…
A jelly fish!
I screamed. I looked around and that was when I realized there were jelly fish…everywhere! I scream for Rob to look and he says “Oh don’t worry they won’t hurt you- they don’t have any tentacles.” He was right but now the fear had set in. I had to get out. I pulled away from him and starting half swimming half walking back to the beach. But just at that moment a huge wave came and hit me from behind.
It picked me up and drug me under. I hit the bottom of the sand and it drags me along. I hold my breath and wait to get back up to the air. But just then it pushes me down again.
When I finally get up Rob is holding his hand out to me his big brown eyes twinkling at me. He was half smirking and I couldn’t help but laugh as I realized my bathing suit was filled with sand.
We make our way back to the shore and he yells that he is going back in to play with the waves.
And watching him run out there I realized how I have to conquer these fears. I realized how it was only when I was at my most scared that those waves got the better of me. It was only when those waves could taste my fear that they drug me under.
I watched him as he jumped in the waves and paddled in the water and I was thankful for him. For showing me how to let go sometimes, showing me how to enjoy life. To let the waves take over and to just breathe.
So I guess I just have to keep jumping along with the waves (and with these changes in life) and I’m so glad he is here to hold my hand along the way.
And through these crazy times
It’s you, it’s you
You make me sing
You’re every line, you’re every word