The fog has lifted and I have been told to write.
Two days ago I saw my life flash before me as my car was smashed into another vehicle. The thoughts were rushing through my brain. What just happened? Is my daughter okay? Am I okay? Where am I? What do I do?
As the adrenaline picked up I grabbed my little girl and got her out of the vehicle. She was crying in the car seat and I took her over to the side of the road to inspect her on the grass. My whole body was shaking and no matter what I did I couldn’t stop. It was only after I made sure she was safe, that I broke down epically on the side of the road.
An Emotional Road
When you’re in a car accident, you don’t realize just how much is going to be struck out of you. Your body takes a hit, but also your mind takes a hit. It’s been two days and I still feel the emotions. Every single soaked up, shoved down emotion that want to come out of me has come out of me.
All the guilt emotions, all the “what if” emotions, all the not good enough emotions, all the angry emotions, all the self judgement emotions, all that stuff you hide out in. All of that has wanted to come out.
So I have been crying, sobbing, whimpering, sitting with it. I have locked myself in my room and sat in the dark. I have detached myself from my physical body and flown off to another dimension. I’ve slept a lot and I have felt a lot. And it has brought me to a brilliant place of self realization and healing.
Instead of thinking of it as all the horrible things that lined up to make this accident happen, I am re-framing my mind. I know that the way I look at the world is the only control I have in this. So I refuse to look at it that way. Instead, I am looking at the amazing blessings that afforded me and my daughter to walk away from a pretty significant t-bone accident with a large vehicle.
In my dream, my Angels told me that Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael were sitting in the car with me as we drove down that road. They said at the point of impact, the archangels got out of the car and shielded it, pushing the other vehicle away from my car. To be honest, when I look at the damage on my car and the damage on the other car, I am left wondering how it wasn’t worse.
I am counting my blessings. For my safety, for a good car, for loving support from the ones that care, for a boss who understood, for great car insurance. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for this life and the lessons. I do not hold judgement of others and most importantly I no longer want to hold judgement on myself.
A New Day
In my heart, as I write this I know my healing will take time. But I welcome a new day and a new way of thinking. If the old needed to be purged from my body, mind, and spirit, I release it now. I thank my Angels and my creator for keeping me here another day. I’m committed to continuing to do my work, my inner, emotional, healing work so that I can be available to heal others.